A poem from Rick Pryll's novel Wallow (read about this book here.)

If love was calm, I'd be thorny

If love was sex, I'd be horny

If love was money, I'd be broke

If love was an egg-white, I'd be the yoke

If love was a pen, I'd be out of ink

If love was a watch, I'd be out of sync

If love was a secret, I'd be the last to know

If love was a beach, I'd be the undertow

If love was a blanket, I'd be exposed toes

If love was a punch in the face, I'd be a sturdy nose

If love was a letter, I wouldn't have a stamp

If love was keep cool and dry, I'd be hot and damp

If love was a joke, I surely wouldn't get it

If love was a bed, I'd wet it

If love was a plug, I wouldn't have a socket

If love was a burning hole, I'd be a pocket

If love was a fuse box, I'd be a circuit blown

If love was a phone line, I'd be lacking dialtone

If love was a track meet, I'd be a false start

If love was a first date, I'd be a loud fart

If love was a diamond, I'd be a flaw

If love was a tree, I'd be a chainsaw

If love was a sock, I wouldn't have the match

If love was a 22, I'd be the Catch

If love was a condom, I'd be a tear

If love was a drain, I'd be a clump of hair

If love was an Afro, I wouldn't have a pick

If love was gonorrhea, I wouldn't have a dick

If love was a bad boy, I'd be the leather strap

If love was a frat boy, I'd be the clap

If love was a crest, I'd be a trough

If love was a candle, I'd be a moth

If love was wax, I'd be on the wane

If love was Abel, I'd be brother Cain

If love was a needle, I'd be a vein

If love was a sunny day, I'd be rain